I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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