Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
