I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
