and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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