The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
