but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
