I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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