The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize