im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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