Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
