Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
