you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
