my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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