Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
