4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
