I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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