so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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