After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
