I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
