you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
