Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
