you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
