i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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