She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
