Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
