You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
