I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
