I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
