Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
