Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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