I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize