How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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