i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
