I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize