Nicole vs. Life
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
