My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
