why didn't you poke me back
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
