i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize