So gin and wine won't be happening again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
