grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
