I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
