Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
