if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
