Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Text me some of your sweat
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