It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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