I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
