dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
