they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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