just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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