Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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