I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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