Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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