so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
