I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
nutella sex= disaster
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this hospital has no fireball
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
