i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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