So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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