the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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