Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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