Just mADE A PArabola og urine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have tasted many bathrooms
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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