Your face is a jimmy john
You can't special order awesome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
