nutella sex= disaster
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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