As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
