No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
