That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
