I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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