What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize