he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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