In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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