all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
