I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
