I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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