Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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