I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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