dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
