oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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