the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
