DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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