I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
false alarm, still single
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
