maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
