imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My liver just had a heart attack.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
