I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
