Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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