i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
