The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
