wakey wakey hands off snakey
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Say something about gay babies.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
