Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
