Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
