Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
