OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
