I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
