Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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