All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
