i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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