I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
