Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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