Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
