Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
