She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
