She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
