Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
