dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
