drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
